You Must Be Joking!
by RevSue
Summary: A short story about Clarisse's reaction to life a month after her marriage to Joseph. DREAM CHALLENGE!


_Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, and I make no money from this work of fiction!_

YOU MUST BE JOKING!

Clarisse stirred awake early one morning just one month after her wedding to Joseph. Her hand automatically went out to touch him, but encountered cold sheets instead. Startled, she sat up and stared, then fell back on her pillows with a loud sigh. Of course. He had gone yesterday to Mertz to run a security seminar, and wouldn't be back until noon today. She hadn't slept well at all last night, not being used to solitude in her bed anymore.

Not wanting to move, but needing to go to the bathroom, Clarisse dragged herself out of bed and almost staggered into the adjoining room. What was wrong with her? She knew that, as people got older, bladder control lessened. But four times in one short night was ridiculous! She had stopped drinking anything after four o'clock in the afternoons, and she was STILL having to get up often in the night! Added to that, suddenly she was finding that she was tired all the time, and could fall asleep at the drop of a hat, or if she sat still longer than about five minutes. That could have proved embarrassing had she still had to sit through Parliament sessions! Fortunately, Mia was handling those quite well now.

As she washed up, Clarisse studied her reflection in the mirror. For a sixty-five year old woman, she thought she looked rather well, actually. In fact ... Clarisse eyed herself distrustfully ... was she GLOWING? Covering her cheeks with her hands, she peered into the mirror again. Ridiculous. It was a reflection or something. She did NOT want to think about the only other times she had thought she was glowing ... when she was expecting Pierre and Philippe. Lowering her arms, Clarisse winced as she brushed her breasts. Why had they been so tender the last while? Oh, this was too much to get into so early in the morning!

Pulling on her bathrobe, Clarisse drew a comb through her hair, then ventured out and down to the kitchens, hoping to sneak some ice cream before anyone else woke up. For the last few weeks, she had been craving the cold sweet treat, and had been caught eating it the way she had seen Mia eat it - straight from the carton. The kitchen staff, her lady's maids, Joseph and Mia herself had all been horrified at different times when they had walked in and seen her drop the spoon and guiltily try to hide the cardboard container. Ice cream just didn't taste the same out of an ordinary dish anymore!

As she leaned back in the kitchen chair and allowed the cool smoothness of the ice cream to slide down her throat, Clarisse realized that she was hot again, and had been hot enough in the night to throw off all the covers. Some nights she hadn't been able to do that, as Joseph would grumble about the cold, so she had discovered that even sticking one bare foot out of the covers would cool her down eventually. Now she smiled in sudden comprehension. Hot flashes! Of course! That might explain all of these symptoms. She must be going through menopause!

Well, it was about time. She had been as regular as clockwork in her monthly cycles since the age of thirteen, had had checkups for the last fifteen years to determine whether or not she was in menopause, and so far, the results had been negative. But now, although she was two weeks overdue, her menstrual flow had not come. Could it have been delayed by the excitement of the last few weeks? The added "exercise" since her marriage? Clarisse's cheeks flushed at the very thought, and she hastily took another mouthful of ice cream. If only she had a close female friend - preferably one of her own age - to discuss this with! Instead, as had become habit over the years, she bottled up her fears and worries and questions and pretended that nothing was amiss.

"Your Majesty!"

Clarisse looked up, not having heard the cook coming. "Oh, good morning," she smiled as she tried unobtrusively to lower the ice cream carton beneath the table, hoping the cook hadn't seen it.

"I'm sorry I was so late, your Majesty. Would you like me to make your tea?"

About to nod, Clarisse suddenly felt a little nauseous at the thought of tea. "I ... I think that will not be necessary," she said at last. "I find I'm rather ... full ..." She slipped the cold cardboard carton into the front of her dressing gown to hide it from the cook's view, wincing at the sudden chill. Standing up, she turned away hurriedly, without saying a thing, unaware that the cook was staring after her and shaking her head slowly even as a smile bloomed on her round face.

Thoroughly annoyed at herself, Clarisse hurried down the hallway until she reached a nook where she would have a bit of privacy. She then ate the last few melting spoonfuls of ice cream, threw the now-empty container into the nearest trash can, and ruefully eyed the stains on her nightgown and dressing gown. "Oh, bother!" she muttered, re-tying her robe, slipping the spoon into her pocket and turning to head back to her room.

"I'm sorry, your Majesty!"

Clarisse blinked as she bumped into a warm body. "Oh! Charlotte! I ... I was just ..." At Charlotte's sympathetic gaze, Clarisse suddenly felt overwhelmed, and very uncharacteristically she burst into tears.

Rising to the challenge, Charlotte soothed Clarisse and led her back to her rooms. "It's all right, your Majesty. You are probably just missing Joe ... Joseph. He'll be back in no time. I understand he's hoping to finish by ten this morning, and you know it's only a short drive back, so he will be here for the weekend," she murmured as they made their way down the corridors of the palace.

By the time she was in her own room, Clarisse had her emotions under control again. "I'm sorry, Charlotte, I don't know what ..."

"I didn't see a thing, your Majesty," Charlotte interrupted her gently.

Clarisse laughed softly, and her hand touched Charlotte's arm. "Oh, Charlotte! Thank you. For everything."

As Charlotte started out the door, she paused for a moment, then turned back. "Forgive me, your Majesty, but you might want to wash your face ... the tears didn't quite take off the ice cream around your mouth ..."

"Busted!" Clarisse groaned, but her smile was infectious and both of the women laughed before Charlotte went on her way.

Clarisse washed again before dressing. Then, sitting down on the sofa, she felt as tired as if she had just done a day's work instead of merely slipping down to the kitchen for a stolen treat. Perhaps there WAS something wrong with her? Should she talk with Joseph about how she was feeling? Could she confide in anyone? Before she could answer her own questions, Clarisse was asleep.

It seemed that no time had passed before Clarisse felt the touch of lips on hers, and she awoke to find Joseph bending over her, a concerned look on his face.

"Oh, Joseph!" she smiled sleepily up at him. "You're home!"

"And just in time, too, it appears," he said, sitting beside her. "You slept all night HERE?"

"Of course not," Clarisse said, "I just ... well, I was tired ... what time is it?"

"Eleven o'clock. I heard you were up early."

"Charlotte said she wouldn't tell!" Clarisse exclaimed.

"And she didn't," Joseph looked at his wife severely. "I heard about your early morning snack from the kitchen staff. What was Charlotte not supposed to tell, Clarisse?"

Clarisse looked away, undecided. Should she confess her worries about her health? If it turned out that she was indeed finally beginning menopause, was that any reason to be concerned? But if she said nothing, and it turned out to be, well, a tumour or something ...

"Clarisse?" Joe prompted her.

Sighing, Clarisse put her hand on his cheek. "Oh, Joseph, it's just that, well, for the last month ... I haven't been ... quite myself."

"I know," he surprised her yet again. "Are you ready to let me call the doctor?"

"She won't come today. Fridays are her day off, remember?" Clarisse said.

"She'll come ... for you," Joseph said, and, leaning over, he picked up the phone and called right away.

-

Just a few short hours later, Clarisse was staring at the doctor incredulously. "You ... you must be joking! At MY age?"

The doctor smiled. "I'm not joking, your Majesty. It is definitely not common, but I have no doubt you will be able to carry the baby to term."

"A BABY? NOW? Are you SURE it's not menopause?" Clarisse was grasping at straws, she knew, but ... but PREGNANT! That possibility had never really crossed her mind. She was aghast, horrified, and humiliated. What would everyone say?

While Clarisse tried to regain some semblance of control in her life which suddenly seemed to be spinning off insanely, Joseph was speaking quietly with the doctor, then seeing her to the door of their rooms.

When he came back and sat down beside Clarisse, he took her hands in his and asked with a broad smile, "Isn't this the most exciting news you have had in a long time?"

Clarisse stared at him, and realized that instead of being upset about the news the way she was, he was positively beaming. He was thrilled with the prospect of a baby. A BABY! "Are you out of your mind?" she demanded furiously, her worry and tension exploding. "I am TOO OLD to have a baby! I can't believe it! How can you possibly be HAPPY about this?"

"How can you NOT be happy about it?" Joseph retorted, astonished by her vehement words.

"I can't BELIEVE your reaction!" Clarisse whirled away, throwing herself onto the bed and burying her head in her pillow, unwanted tears flowing. That was obviously another symptom of her ... her pregnancy, as she had never been so emotional before!

Then she felt a hand on her shoulder, and heard Joseph's loving, anxious voice, "Clarisse, my dear, whatever is the matter? Why are you crying, darling?"

"You have to ASK?" she almost snapped at him, lifting her head to glare at him. Surprised, she blinked. It was completely dark. Had she been crying for hours? Hadn't it just been early afternoon? She couldn't possibly have fallen asleep while crying, could she? Oh, this was too much!

"You were sobbing," Joseph continued, smoothing his hand over her back soothingly. "Tell me why, my love. What were you dreaming?"

"Dreaming?" Clarisse echoed, incredulous. It didn't seem possible ... yet she felt, well, different than she had just a few hours before. "It was all a DREAM?"

"What was it? Tell me."

Ignoring his question, Clarisse rolled over and sat up. "What day is it?"

"Monday," he answered instantly. "Clarisse, my dear, what is upsetting you?"

Clarisse fell back on her pillows, exhausted by the emotions she had felt. It had seemed so very real! She laughed softly. Imagine thinking she was pregnant! How utterly ridiculous that a woman approaching 66 could be having a baby! Refusing to tell Joseph just yet, she snuggled into him, trailing a finger over his chest. "Joseph? Is there anything that would make you sorry you had married me?"

"I can't think of a single thing. What were you dreaming, Clarisse?"

She sighed. "I feel so silly now."

"Clarisse!"

"I'll tell you later, I promise. But right now ..." and her hands moved purposefully over him as she leaned into his fervent embrace.

– - - -

The next morning, Mia greeted them with a grin at the breakfast table. "Guess what was on the news this morning? The oldest woman to ever give birth had a baby girl last night ... baby and sixty-six year old mother are doing fine!"

Clarisse staggered and almost fell. To think that, had her dream been real, that could have been a news flash about HER!


End file.
